Click Pow Blam

This is the story about a man named Ned
He started hearing evil voices in his head
He bought some fertilizer and he went into the shed
A right winged wacko with a heart that never bled
A little mommy's army boy who poopies in the bed

He's a man who helped free the Kuwaitees
He's a product of the early eighties
He could never mingle with nice ladies
He likes his red meat and mashed potatees
He's a man who doesn't follow leaders
He says lawmen are liars and cheaters
He never puts change in the meters
He likes his red meat and mashed poteeters

This is the story about a man named Ned
He did every fuckin' thing the little voices said
And now he's in the city and he's lost all hope
And that's how he became the Great White Dope

Narrator:
Gather 'round boys and girls, our story begins with our hero Ned - the Great White Dope returning cabin home to his cabin in the wooded green land.

You're feelin' like you hit the skids
'cause the government came and tooks the kids
And the funiture and the car and the food and the t.v.
you think you have the remedy
It's almost tragic-comedy
You say you have a plan to undermind the man
So you packed up your firearms your alcohol and tobaccy
And then you hid out at some farms where the folks said you was wacky
Your drinkin' buddies were there to help defeat the New World Order
But first you needed some mercenaries down south of the border

Narrator:
Now Ned and his good ol' drinkin' buddy Jethro and thier convoy of SHMUCKS headed down Mexico way.Ned's brother who smokes O.P.s pawned his guns and couldn't even go in on the beer was made to stay behind.Meanwhile in Ned's pick-up...
JETHRO; Hey what's that over there Ned
NED: I'm not sure lets pull in I betcha we can get some mercenaries over there
JETHRO;Well the sign there says"Mercenary Twister"
MEX.BARKER: we got mercenaries of every kind man we got fat mercenaries English mercenaries stinky mercenaries big fat dough-nut eatin' ass mecenaries we got mimosa drinkin' mercenaries pont'estates mercenaries New World Ordinaries Johhny Mercenaries nose fudge pickin' mercenaries
Narrator:
Meanwhile Ned's Brother:
phone dialing
NED'S BRO:Hmmmmmmm
VOICE ON PHONE;You've reached the department of Alcohol Tobaccy and Firearms for billing information press 1...
NED;S BRO:No
VOICE ON PHONE:For Marlboro unlimited merchandise press 2...
NED'S BRO:Hmmmm? NO
VOICE ON PHONE;Informants
NED'S BRO:That's me
VOICE ON PHONE: please hold an A.T.F.agent will be right with you
(Air supply playing on muzak)
NED's Bro:I love that song
RAT BASTARD;Yes agent Rat Bastard how can I help you
NED'S BRO:Don't call me 'rat bastard'
RAT BASTARD;No sir that's my name agent Rat Bastard how can I help you
ND'S BRO:Listen I got this story let me start from the begining

I was in a log cabin tucked far away
There were some gool ol' boys next store I over heard them say
"The Fed's are fucking up our heads we've had it up to here
We're patriots with firearms tobacco and beer"
A coulpe of dozen schmucks in a half of dozen pick-up trucks
Get off your doughnut eatin' ass and head them off at the pass
Before thier bombs start to blast

That ain't pussy that you smell it's one hot posse on your trail
You know every back road like the back wash in your back forty
Jethro and Ned outsmarted the Feds the same Feds that outsmarted the Reds
You ducked into this canteena there was cousin Ebelina
She's down to her neck in two-bit weens
Only eighty feet right through this fence
It was the best little whorehouse this whole prairy's ever seen
And a hand-job will only set you back about 15 cents

You met a chicita who treated you to Jose' Quervo
She's got a great body all you've got's a shotty sombrero
She offered desiuno para dos
Mimosa cervasas and ee pontestados
Then you spent the whole morning heaving huevos rancheros
He blamed her for soiling his pontilonis e zupatas
She's gordy e fayo he said this romance it pornato
He said she could not stay for lunch
He had some Mezcal and worm punch
Passed out on the bed and she left with the whole enchilata

As Ned reflected back on desiuno he felt simpatico as he sobbed while fumbling around looking for their favorite records by Le Quertos

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Click Pow Blam
Click Pow Blam - Great White Dope (Acapella) Medley
Written by: John Burgess & Michael Sherwood

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